Partners in the Midwest

We are Preparing to Buy a New Home

2009-08-21T12:44:00.001-07:00

So my partner of eight and a half years and I are working toward a big step in our relationship. This is strangely the closest to the feeling I can imagine of a marriage equivalent. Strange because for our 10 year anniversary we are planning a ceremony, that will mean nothing legally. Strangely since it seems everyone is pushing for equal marriage, which I am not in any way opposed to, since it is currently not an option - home buying seems closer. What a society, seems silly. Wish us luck!

Celebrating PRIDE Month!

2009-06-09T05:12:00.000-07:00

Its such a good Summer time. PRIDE month is so affirming and fun. Certainly we always go to the parade and street fests. Its food. Its social. It feels freeing.

My partner, of almost nine years, and I recently watched Milk, and I have to say as inhibited as I feel sometimes being a one in ten statistic, 2009 is an easy time for LGBT's in some ways. Of course, every one's experience is so different based upon upbringing, sense of family and community, employment, education, what block you live on, etc.

I want to help open the discussions of healthy LGBT relationships so we can be role models for one another. Each couple has strengths and we can share our experiences in order to normalize the feelings we all are experiencing - make the normal feelings...feel normal. To bring our selves out of isolation, we may be out in our lives, but there are feelings we hide. Lets start here having a dialogue about daily life and how we can positively impact one another, just by sharing our day to day stories.

I think what PRIDE means to me: a respite from the continuous requirement I put on myself to make a minute to minute decision about coming out to people. Every day at work, walking to the grocery store, having a conversation with family - what do I want to share, not that folks even care on the receiving side. I have a constant internal conversation about how to be and what to say...and I am one who does "pass," a lot of the time actually. Why should I feel that need? I wish I knew. However, and why ever...PRIDE is a release of that thinking and acting. I am just me. Out and proud. Surrounded by ones I love and feel safe with. Just me.

Happy PRIDE month. May we all feel that release more frequently as time goes on.

How do you know when to stay together?

2009-06-08T21:00:00.000-07:00

How does one know when a relationship is good. How does one know when its time to break it off for one reason or another, or many? How important is the physical? How important is intellectual compatibility or humor? I wonder these things when my relationship is off.

I think at times couples in our community might be likely to fall into a sibling like relationship - maybe more so because we don't have the positive role models to be like. However, divorce rates are testament to the fact that relationships are not easy.

There are statistics about separation impacting finances in a way that is irreparable for those in a longer term partnership. That couples who stay together are just more financially sound and stable over their lifetimes. I can see that - a larger extended family to rely on during the tough times, among other things.

Oh, I certainly have no answers. Please share about your long term relationship here. Share what you think works for our LGBT couples, or what has just worked for you.

Do you hold hands when you go out?

2009-06-08T08:35:00.000-07:00

I have a difficult time with my partner when it comes to public displays of affection, I'm only speaking about holding hands. I am an adult in my mid thirties and so is my partner. Why in this changing world in this decent sized city with an active GLBT population, does my partner NOT want to hold my hand.

Well a lot of reasons. There are a lot of hateful individuals who want to share their issues. I have to say that in all honesty however, I have never been fearful of my safety and I think that is a good thing. I have never even had someone swear at me - except for road rage and then a person will say anything just because they are upset at the world that minute. I feel it is very different from overt discrimination. I am glad to have not been hurt at all. I am still very conscious of my surroundings and have taken self defense classes, always looking over my shoulder when I walk alone down any street.

So I may never have a hand holder in this woman. That's okay. We have other strengths, part is because of her personality and upbringing and of course, some is because of our lifestyle and fear. It is just life in the Midwest, I can't say that I want to move to Amsterdam tomorrow, I can deal with this.

So relationships take a lot of work

2009-06-08T08:27:00.000-07:00

I believe its worth it to stay in a long term relationship, however it is a daily decision to do so. Some cycles of life are easier and other times are very trying on the soul. It depends on the choice of life partner if its worth it in the end. I've seen her through AA, family drama surrounding the coming out process, as well as deaths of friends and loved ones.....life is tough. Also, we've seen a business grow and have developed our careers and home in a welcoming neighborhood with loving and fun friends. It is good overall. Sometimes I did wonder if it made sense to continue. We're 9 years on and its still worth it.